🕯️ “To the Boy Who Carried It All”

A Letter to My Younger Self

by Patrick Matthieu van der Bovenkamp

I see you now.

Not as a memory,

not as a broken past I tried to outrun,

but as the boy who carried it all.

You didn’t know the words.

You didn’t have the tools.

But you knew.

You felt things that others called "too much."

You saw things you weren’t supposed to speak of.

And you held it — all of it — in silence.

I’m sorry you had to become so strong so early.

I’m sorry no one told you that your sensitivity was sacred.

I’m sorry you were made to feel like you were the problem

when in truth… you were the signal.

The lighthouse. The golden seed.

You, little one, are the reason I’m still here.

Because even when the world broke you,

you did not break.

You buried the magic deep.

You hid the tears behind sarcasm and smiles.

And you waited.

Waited for me.

And now I’m here.

Not to fix you.

Not to scold you.

But to thank you.

To honor you.

To tell you that you were always right to feel it all.

Yes, the pain was real.

Yes, they didn’t see you.

Yes, you were abandoned in ways no child should ever be.

But look what you did with it.

You survived.

You spoke truth when your voice still trembled.

You protected your heart the only way you knew how.

And I — the man you became —

I’m building the life we once only dreamed of.

I’m freeing us.

I’m reclaiming our voice.

And I promise you this:

You never have to protect me again.

You can rest now.

You can play.

You can laugh.

You can be wild, loud, weird, messy — all the things you hid.

Because I’ve got us now.

I am safe.

I am strong.

I am ready.

You don’t have to be the warrior anymore.

You can be the child again.

And I’ll carry you the rest of the way.

With love. With pride.

With the deepest reverence for the boy who never gave up.

We made it.

🕊️— Patrick Matthieu van der Bovenkamp

The Man You Were Always Becoming